The Good Neighbor Irregularity
by naughtykittekat
Summary: She could not stand it anymore. They constantly bickered. And there was seemingly no end to it insight. She knew there must be some way to truly get to him beyond the usual strikes. The results of her theory were unexpected. RATING CHANGED!
1. Chapter 1

A/N 1: Hi all, this is my first foray in to Big Bang. I absolutely love Penny and Sheldon together! So here you go! SPOILERS: for 1st and 2nd Season I guess... Oh, and it's a tad stream of consciousness (Shifting view points) Didn't realize this till I finished, but i think it works.

Unnecessary Disclaimer: Do not own, make no profit. Borrowing for a short time.

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Knock, knock, knock,_ "Penny."

Penny's green eyes tried to bore holes into the back of her apartment door from her position on the loveseat. She thought about opening the door before Sheldon finished with his repetitive and annoyingly obsessive knocking. But she knew he would quickly finish it once she was there, before spitting out what he really wanted.

_Knock, knock, knock,_ "Penny."

She was so annoyed with him. He just kept making her feel stupid and more stupid lately. She did not get the same satisfaction of blowing his head up on Halo anymore or sitting in his spot. Not even lying to him about his food made any difference because, he did not know. It just made ordering food easier. Normally, when he made her feel stupid, she retaliated and then he would do something kind of sweet like loan her money or help her with Age of Conan and they'd be square again. But it had been four weeks since she felt square and she was running out of ideas as to what made Sheldon tick; which was quite a feat in itself. She thought she had tried everything, until she was struck with an idea.

_Knock, knock, knock,_ "Penny?'

As Penny got up and moved towards her door, she adjusted her little pink shirt, straightened her back, ran her fingers through her honey coloured locks and thought, _I can do this. I'm a big ol' five, right?_ Penny took a deep breath and opened the door. She studied Sheldon, waiting for the barrage of questions to start.

Today, he was wearing jeans with burnt orange thermal and Green Lantern t-shirt. The electric green of the shirt made the blue in his eyes seem more intense. The sleeves pushed up around his elbows were evidence that he had been working on something before. When she first moved in, she thought he was somewhat cute, in a geeky way, obviously. The height, the eyes, his body seemed lean and toned in a gangly kind of way. That was before he began talking though. "What do you want, Sheldon?" she asked impatiently.

"Well, I would like to invoke clause seventeen dash three of our Good Neighbour contract."

"What? What's… oh, who cares?" she said more to herself than Sheldon, as she reached out and grabbed his shirt. She twisted her fist in the soft material as she pulled him to her closing the short distance between them. There was a look of fear in his clear blue eyes, and she almost thought he was going to start yelling, 'Danger, Danger!' when she got on her tip toes and crushed her lips to his.

Surprisingly, his lips were soft and pliable and they seemed to be moving against her own. She brought her other hand up to his head and knotted it his hair, she groaned a little when she realised that her hands were not hindered by product in the short silky brown strands. She sucked on his bottom lip a little bit. Sheldon's hands came up to her bare shoulders and much to her disappointment, started to push her back and away. They stared one another down for a long minute, each one calculating entirely different things.

Penny, the surprise of the intense chemistry that she felt and wondering just what that would mean in the bedroom. For some reason, she really wanted to see him with sex hair. Not that she had a one track mind, but sex on legs Kurt didn't even get her going like that from a little kiss. Must Sheldon be innately good at everything? Why did she decide that kissing him was the best course of action?

Sheldon was certain that Penny must be having some sort of drug induced delusion, judging both by the way she seemed to be confused a moment before and then when she kissed him. He was also calculating the number of bacteria in his mouth now and wondering if there was a social custom that allowed him to go gargle with mouthwash and then return to discuss the anomaly that just occurred. He supposed not and sighed. Tomorrow he would have to go to the doctor and get antibiotics.

"Penny? This is Sheldon. How are you feeling? Are you ill? Have you taken any drugs?" he asked slowly a look of concern shadowing his face. It seemed to him that Penny was hallucinating. Why else would she have kissed him, unless she mistook him for someone else? Penny was not just a neighbour, she had managed to integrate herself into his routine and if she was ill… well she sang Soft Kitty when he wasn't feeling well.

"Drugs? No. I—just forget it, Sheldon." She said dejectedly and shrugged her shoulders she could still feel the warmth his hands had caused. It seemed her theory had backfired completely. Not only did she discover some latent feelings for the tall man, but also he still didn't seem bothered by what she did. "What did you want?"

He grabbed her hand, pulled her into the apartment, and pushed her down into her spot on the loveseat. "No, Penny, tell me the reason behind that irregularity in our friendship paradigm. Obviously, you must be partaking in some sort of recreational drug or be ill some other way. Are you running a fever?"

It was not pity, that she felt per se, but Sheldon seemed to think that a pretty girl would not kiss him unless she was inebriated somehow and that made her heart ache a little. It had started out as a not-so-innocent kiss, yes, but the things she felt threw Penny. "No, sweetie. I'm not sick and I'm not on drugs." She patted his thigh gently. "I just wanted to do that, I guess."

He looked at her blankly. Things seemed to echo in his mind, things Wolowitz said, his mother, sister, Leonard. None of that data prepared him for this. Cycling though the information he had gathered from various television programs, movies and books on romantic entanglements he thought he had come across the logical explanation for the kiss. "Are you trying to commence a "friends with benefits" arrangement? I heard Wolowitz speaking of this again last week and I have come to a better understanding of such a friendship," his cheeks coloured just a bit. " As we have never formally courted. I would assume that--"

"No," Not that wasn't a bad idea. "I was just… urgh! I was angry with you," she said exasperatedly.

"But your actions completely defy anger parameters. If you were angry with me, other options should have been exhausted."

Penny shook her head and extracted her hand from where it lay still grasped in Sheldon's long fingers. "I thought they were," she mumbled under her breath. "Could we just forget it? I'm not angry, we didn't you know… and would you just tell me what clause eighteen dash six is?" Perhaps, reminding him what he came for would make him forget.

Sheldon scowled. "Penny, do I need to remind you that it is absurdly impossible to just forget something, as it has happened? We do not yet possess the technology that would allow us to erase specific memories."

"Sheldon…" she said, honestly sometimes, she thought he needed Ritalin; he was always going at light speed and it wasn't for him. It was so he'd slow down to her level.

"It was clause seventeen dash three." He replied evenly.

"Whatever, I need something to drink. Do you want something?" she asked as she got up and walked to her kitchenette to mix herself a strong vodka martini minus the vermouth. "Explain the clause."

"No. I will decline a drink, I know what kind of standards you have regarding the cleanliness of your dishes. The clause was designed in the anticipation that Leonard might have a girlfriend, as he does now. I effectively have been ejected from the domicile."

"Oh, so you need a place to crash?" she asked from the fridge. How was she going to get through the night now? Last time had been a rather unpleasant experience for her. Unless, she could find a way to unwind Sheldon, a way to make sure that any pain caused was the good kind, not the I-slept-on-the-couch kind. She stood at the counter and looked at Sheldon again. She tried to pinpoint a moment where she could have started to have feelings for him, but her brain hurt at the onslaught of images that came to mind. The loans, the Christmas hug, helping buy birthday gifts, and then it hit her between the eyes. The constant bickering, teasing each other (well, teasing him), hiding his toys, it was the equivalent of pulling a girl's pigtails on the playground.

"If crash is to mean stay, then yes. You're staring is unnerving, Penny." He was still sitting on the plush loveseat. She thought it was odd how he looked like he almost belonged there amongst the bright colours and magazines. His blue eyes watched her closely as she moved back to sit next to him. "Penny? Are you sure there is nothing wrong with you?"

This time, Penny could not contain herself for an entirely different reason. She leaned over and kissed him again. This time soft and tender, experimentally all the things a first kiss should be. She pulled back and brought her hands up to cup his face. "Sheldon. We can do this tonight. If you want, I know you think you're a homos nova or whatever –"

"Homo Novus." He corrected her almost shyly.

"And that you don't have desires or whatever. But, if you wanted to let go tonight… I wouldn't say no." She sat next to him, wrapped an arm around his neck, and kissed the corner of his mouth. She felt something in her bones about how right this felt to be here in his arms. She felt his back stiffen and whether it was as a dear caught in headlights or in anticipation, she did not know. But, something darkened his eyes, something made Sheldon look normal and it excited Penny to no end that she was the girl to do it.

Sheldon mouthed a few words as he really looked into Penny's green eyes. Her pupils had dilated, her breathing was heavier, and it made her décolletage heave in considered by many to be an enticing way. Penny was uniquely attractive, she had wide hips which were perfect for childbearing, and while he knew she would never understand String Theory as he did (well, who would), he knew that she possessed a certain instinctive and cunning intellect (how else would she be able to beat him at Halo) and it was why he had stopped talking down to her. He had never felt this way, but he supposed his body was reacting to the pheromones, that came off her in waves. It is his only explanation for what came next.

The pad of her thumb had been steadily grazing his cheek while he thought, every so often brushing softly just against the corner of his lips. On the next brush against his lips, Sheldon did the irrational. He kissed her thumb.

Penny giggled as she thought about the time she tried to figure out his 'deal'. But she only knew half of it and Sheldon was actually interested in kissing her neck because that giggle was inexplicably one of the most breathtaking sounds he had ever heard.

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A/N 2: Okay so what did you think? I wasn't quite sure if I got Sheldon right but I was hoping that his concern for Penny's strange actions would overshadow his germaphobia. This started out as one-shot smut piece....yeah I know. And I never really got there but it just seemed like the right place to end.

A/N3: Should I continue and see how this relationship plays out? or leave it?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N 1: So here's part two... enjoy. PLEASE NOTE RATING CHANGE FROM T TO M.

Unnecessary Disclaimer: I don't own, am making no profit from. I just wanted to play with them for a bit.

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When Penny woke up the pale early dawn, she moved to stretch but was hindered by a heavy leg resting across her thigh and the rest of the body wrapped snugly around her back. She tried to turn to her left to get a look at Sheldon, but his arm was resting possessively around her ribs and clung more tightly when she moved. She smiled at the events that occurred last night and sighed contentedly.

Dr. Sheldon Cooper rang her bell, harder than any other guy and more than a couple times. Oh, Sheldon couldn't be _any_ other guy; she imagined that he attacked sex with the same finesse and vigour he used when trying to explain String Theory to people who actually understood. He asked questions, was a fast learner and by God he memorized the "Friends" erogenous zone sequence, all hail sweet, sweet number seven.

The whole night was, in fact, the complete opposite of what she had expected. Sure, there were little awkward pauses like when he couldn't figure out the clasp on her bra or when he began to recite the periodic table _aloud_ at certain very inopportune moments. How he knew about that particular trick, she didn't know, but told him the social custom was to do it his head. He looked at her blankly and then compromised by only mouthing them (Penny found it to be one of the sexiest things ever, with his eyes scrunched and lips moving, but she had already promised herself that she would never tell anyone that.). On the whole, he was knowledgeably inexperienced and tackled it the same way he would any other experiment. He also mentioned something about Karma or was it Kama? Penny was largely more interested in the things his hand was doing to her breast at the time. She wondered what she did in her last life to get so lucky, because last night was amazing.

Penny nestled closer into Sheldon's embrace and fell back to sleep to the sound of his heartbeat thumping securely against her back.

***

When she awoke again sometime later, she felt cold and bereft. Sheldon had moved during the morning and as she looked around, she had to bite her lip to keep from laughing. He was sprawled out spread-eagle over more than half the bed, arm hanging off the side with the sheets twisted around his waist. His face was turned towards her and looked so peaceful and relaxed in sleep. It was such a turn around from the normally tucked-in tight she had previously experienced when barging into his room at all hours for help with A of C. She definitely liked this unhinged side of Sheldon.

Penny sat up and got out of bed. Blindly, she grabbed for some clothing from the floor as she studied the pale skin stretched out across her bright purple sheets. She couldn't keep from grinning as her eyes followed the line of his back. She let out a small groan when she noticed his hair was sticking up at odd angles. Sheldon had sex hair. Oh, she could get used to this.

Pulling the shirt over her head she walked towards the kitchen to make some breakfast. Opening the fridge she realized that she didn't make it to the grocery store yesterday. She went about pouring Lucky Charms and some orange juice. Suddenly, she felt a presence behind her. Smiling she turned around. "I hope cereal is okay. I have to go to the grocery store." She bit her lip hard, Sheldon stood in her kitchen wearing only boxers.

He was staring strangely at Penny and he looked a little lost, "Oh." Apparently, she was dismissing him like all her other paramours. He shrugged and wondered how he could get his shirt back from her it was his favourite Green Lantern vintage tee, but even he had to admit that it looked better hanging on her slight frame.

Penny gave Sheldon a small smirk and joked, "I'm not going to make you do the 'Walk of Shame'." She realised he had probably never had a morning after and probably didn't know what that was or what to do with himself. She smiled a little bit at that thought. Is this what it feels like for guys to 'conquer virgins'? Because she really liked this newness that she was feeling, it was way better than the two minutes in the backseat of Johnny Machino's crappy Mustang her first time.

"You weren't in bed and you just said you had to go to the grocery store. Am I dismissed? What is a 'Walk of Shame'?" Sheldon asked succinctly yet, gloomily and stood straighter, his face made that tell tale tick. When he woke, the bed was cold and he was trying to understand why that had made him feel scared before. He had shared bodily fluids with Penny, slept next to her and he wouldn't ever admit it but he dreamed of her again in vivid colour. She had gotten close to him in ways that people were never allowed. He began to understand the phrase 'under my skin' because even though he knew it was hygienically unsanitary; he didn't want to get rid of her scent that lingered on his. He wondered if this was she felt like when her other male companions did not reciprocate her phone calls, for that always seemed to make her sad and then Doritos and liquor often got involved.

Penny walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She grinned up at him. "I'll go to the grocery store," she said as she leaned up to steal a kiss. "Later… the 'Walk of Shame is going home in yesterdays clothes."

"Why should that be shameful?" he asked curiously warming to her embrace and returning it. Perhaps he was not being treated like every other potential mate. She didn't see his blue eyes darken, pleased at this course of thought; mayhap he was being treated like _the _potential mate.

"Well because of what it implies. You know that you were elsewhere, not at your house..." Sheldon just looked at her blankly. "Never mind, Honey." He'd probably only understand it better through experience.

Penny shrieked just a little when she couldn't feel the floor anymore. Sheldon placed her gently on the counter and walked into her legs. She wrapped the tanned limbs around his waist in response, bringing him closer. "So, did you want breakfast?" her green eyes looked into his mischievously. She couldn't believe everything-in-its-place Sheldon was possibly going to do her on the counter.

A secret smile spread over Sheldon's face between the kisses that he rained across her neck and ear. He buried his face in the crook of her neck; it was fast becoming his favourite place. She seemed to smell of vanilla and taste of berries. He ran his hands up her sides; fingers bunching up the material of the shirt. He needed a better angle to immerse himself in that place.

"It will be a necessity…later," he said imitating her playful tone from before. He sucked at the pulse point on her throat. Her head lolled to the side. "But we will go somewhere else as your kitchen will need to be thoroughly cleaned before food can be prepared in it," he said curtly and then kissed her hard thrusting his tongue inside her mouth, one kiss after another as he ran his hands up and down her silky thighs. When his erection brushed against her, he gripped her hips roughly, fingers stretching out in search of her panties. He suddenly wanted to be connected to her, more than skin against skin, something more primal.

She loosened her legs and started to pull down his boxers, which she noted last night had the word 'Wednesday' written in the elastic band. She scooted closer to edge of the counter, "Honey, they're not there," she said knowingly and caressed his erection that stood between them gently, spreading her legs a little farther.

His 'Oh' of understanding was something of a moan against her shoulder, when she felt him slide into her. He moved slowly at first not understanding the dynamics of counter sex. It wasn't until Penny cried, "Sheldon!" in an irritated voice, that he started moving to a faster more bruising beat. It devolved from kissing and touching to something more carnal, something about nipping and completion. Something Sheldon had seen in movies and was sure he'd never experience, as it wasn't a necessity to mating, that is until now. Something Penny was desperately hoping would happen over and over again.

Within minutes, Penny was slumped against his chest breathing heavily. Her blonde hair was sticking to her forehead slightly, "Hun, I don't know if I can I walk," she said breathily with a silly smile on her tired features.

Sheldon looked positively radiant as he stilled all movements. Not because of what Penny said, she'd explained that last night and how it seemed to be a good thing; but because he was exhausted. Sheldon lean his forehead against hers and looked into her dark eyes, "I do believe we require sustenance now."

Penny slid off the counter as gingerly as she could. "I suggest a nice hot shower first," she said walking toward the bathroom. She turned around because she did not hear Sheldon's footsteps follow. Sheldon still stood in the kitchen with his boxers piled around his ankles. "Sweetie, you coming?"

"Why would you require help in the shower?" he asked confused at her invitation to join him as he bent down to bring his boxers back up to their rightful place. Penny stared at him in an irritated fashion that he was quickly beginning to understand as 'Don't ask questions' and he diligently followed her towards the bathroom.

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A/N 2: So.. all Im going to say is that Sheldon is a very smart, very calculated man and if you read through the two chapters very carefully you might be able to tell what I am alluding to. Or maybe only I can tell because I know where I'm going with it. I also believe that Sheldon would be very well versed on Sex maybe not have working knowledge, but he would be very knowledgeable none the less.

A/N 3: So in the next chapter we may see their little bubble burst.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

Their shower had not been as eventful as previous situations would have indicated, well aside, from Sheldon's impulsive need to watch the rivulets of water meander down the length of Penny's lithe body. Every time, her wet, shiny skin slid against his own, Sheldon had half a mind to take her right there against the wall in the stark glaring light of the bathroom. But his mom's words echoed through his head, that cleanliness is next to Godliness, and as such he felt dirty for even thinking of it.

To Sheldon's surprise Penny took showering very seriously, if judging from the array of bath products were any indication. He had never thought about anything beyond the usual body wash and shampoo, but apparently there were a number of other products one could use to stay clean and a number of tools to implement cleanliness.

Penny snatched a bottle of shampoo from his hand rather quickly. Apparently, the Kérastase was only for auditions and he was given another bottle of shampoo to use. He didn't notice that it wasn't from the approved list of shampoos with suitable PH levels; he was busy watching her in wonder as she rinsed the suds from her hair. It was, like some sort of symphony only heard in her head as she tilted her head back with her eyes closed exposing her neck for his enjoyment.

This is the moment the intimacy of the situation dawned for Sheldon. He took in her blonde hair darkened by the water; something he wanted his fingers twisted in. And the curves of her shoulders, hips and legs wet and glowing, it wasn't something friends felt the need to touch and lick, mark, claim. The whole night and morning thus far wasn't just a one-time anomaly. It could never be because Sheldon wanted it to be part of the routine. It was the first time it happened and it was already assimilating.

He wanted to wake up next to Penny in the middle of the night and watch her sleep again. He wanted to _have_ to clean kitchens and showers and beds and couches, if it meant that he got to have intercourse with her. He wanted to talk to her about things he never even thought of talking about before, like why exactly that bottle of shampoo was only for auditions. Did it make her hair extra soft and bouncy? Because he would gladly buy her a year's supply of it if it meant that he got to run his hands though her hair whenever he wanted. He couldn't think of his private moments without Penny infiltrating them, it was how he knew. A freakish smile broke out upon his face, he didn't just want Penny, he loved her.

He looked into her eyes, and she was startled by the clarity she saw in them. He said, "I believe that you have turned me into a heathen, Penelope," and much like she first did, he pulled her to him and crushed his lips to hers. The soap forgotten in his hair, as he pushed her up against the wall and used science to his advantage. Apparently, it was an eventful shower.

A/N: I know many people have faved this, and set up alerts for this story. I am sorry it's taken me this long to post this here. The final chapter has been posted to my Livejournal for many months now. I had lots of plans for this story, but I seemed to have lost interest in it. Maybe, in the future there will be some more Shenny love. But, this specific tale is complete. I want to thank all of you for feedback. I'm glad everyone enjoyed the story so much. I felt you deserved this little ending, cause I know it's not much. But it ties it up nicely.

A/N: I will no longer be posting here. All my fic will be archived at my live journal - WickedLilWitch


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